Quick Jokes 4

If you missed the first three parts, they're here:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. 
'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks 
'No', the guy says, 'she's not that ugly' 

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed?
A: Because their plugged into a genius!

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Mever bin laid on

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis

Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives
A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.

Q: What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?
A: I cry when I cut up onions...

Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.

Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!

Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
A: Because they have cotton balls.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
A: 45 lbs.

Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises?
A: They already fell for that trick once.

Q: What's the job application to Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out.

Q: Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?
A: Telling your parents that you are gay.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate and a molester?
A: Rrrrrrrrr Kelly

Q: What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?
A: A cheater, cheater, woman beater.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the shit out of their dogs!

Q: What does D.A.M stand for?
A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits?
A: Puppets.

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house?
A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?
A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q: What's sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman?
A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby.